23 Funny Quotes of The Day

1- Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.


2- I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.


3- Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.


4- Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.


5- I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.


6- I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!


7- My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.


8- When nothing is going right, go left.

When nothing is going right, go left.


9- Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.


10- Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.


11- There’s life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.


12- I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.


13- I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.


14- Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. Charles J. Sykes

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. Charles J. Sykes


15- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx


16- Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.


17- I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen


18- All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles Schulz

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. Charles Schulz


19- Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. Garrison Keillor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. Garrison Keillor


20- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin


21- You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin


22- If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Alice Roosevelt Longworth


23- Sometimes all you need is $500 million.

Sometimes all you need is $500 million.